She lives in a fairy tale

alright, so.
happy mothers day to all those great mothers out there! :)
on another more dramatic note,
i was talking to my ex last night
and he invited me to come to his house Tuesday,
and he pointed out quite clearly that
he just wants to be friends.
which is all fine and dandy except for the fact that
i used to love this boy!
sure it's been a few months,
but i haven't went down that road (quite literally)
in ages.
i would love to be friends but i am not sure
i am capable of not blurring the lines.
 
i must be a masochist.

where do I even begin.
first of all, the senior picnic sucked because it was very overcast and cold.
So i chilled out in my car with my best friend for a bit,
then in this other guy who i am slightly attracted to in a strange ways car.
too bad i have a rule about dating potheads and guys shorter than myself.
then my best friend heather and i ditched because we are too cool for cold weather.
we went and saw the great gatsby.
freaking.great.movie.
afterwards i drove the long way home so i could stop by micky d's and get the strongest coffee they had.
so, i wake up this morning at 1pm feeling very very very tired, to a text from my ex.
you know, the one who broke my heart.
well we are kind of friends now.
it's nice but also kind of dangerous because i don't want to let any of the old feelings flood back,
but it is kind of hard.
oh, i feel like i am going in circles lately.
i want to move forwards not backwards.

today was by far extremely agitating.
everything just seemed to be going wrong.
ap lit test tomorrow. ack.
i can't wait for summer.
it feels like a thursday.
why isn't it friday yet!
i have nothing of importance to say.

blaaaargh.
got my passport photos today.
i really hope that university will be different from my high school.
i'm just sick of everything.
iwannabeatthebeach.

my shuffle button sure knows how to play music that is appropriate for my mood.
i am trying to finish The Great Gatsby before the movie comes out.
i wants to sees it.
school tomorrow is going to suck majorly.
my last school day as a high school senior is next Monday.
how time fly's!
I have an idea in my head but can't seem to find the energy to sketch it out.
how lazy am i.
i wish i lived in a fairy tale.
beach time count down. twenty days as of tomorrow!

i hate hate hate hate people right now.
not all people, but certain people.
like people of the male persuasion.
like those of the male persuasion who piss me off.
yeah.
and yeah, i most certainly do not like being disturbed by a drunk guy professing his undying love for me when i am reading.
and i most certainly do not like being told by said guy that he would want me to have his babies. i mean really?
very romantic right.
i sure know how to pick them.

sleeeeeeeeeepy
i bought a new sketchbook today
motivation, yay

exhaustion.
need sleep.
i'm kind of sad.
blah.

title says it all right?
i totally should be studying for my AP biology test, but...
hmm...nah.
polyvore seemed like a better idea. i mean, who needs sleep these days?
i do know lynn margulis proposed endosymbiotic theory in 1960. this theory proposes that smaller prokaryotes enter(ed) larger prokaryotes for protection.
there is your biology lesson for the day.
you are welcome!
now i guess ill study or resign to sleep in defeat.
most likely the latter,,

looking for alaska quote,
f o r t h e w i n .
i really don't know what i am doing anymore.
i want it to be summer already.
or friday. friday would be good too.
my school is preparing me for nothing.
i feel like i love my bestfriend.
how the hell does this shitt happen?
how can i be best friends with a guy for five years and just now notice how beautiful his eyes are, how his hair flips up at the sides, and how his mouth crinkles when he smiles.
i want to leave, so bad, and start somewhere new.
but i don't want to leave these people behind.
it's like i am constantly fighting myself.
screw it all, screw structure, screw what is 'right and proper'.
i'm done doing what is expected of me.